A survey of 100 mental health professionals revealed that communication problems were the culprit in 65% of all divorces. The survey, published by Huffington Post in 2013, went on to say that a couple’s inability to resolve conflict led to 43% of marriages coming to an end.
But what if even after trying your best communication skills, you still feel misunderstood by your partner? According to psychotherapist Linda Charnes, people make the mistake of having more communication, where most relationships get impacted by the increasing conversational errors due to ill-chosen words and inappropriately conveyed meanings. If communication is suspected to be at the root of relationship problems a couple is experiencing, marriage counselling could be a good option.
Sometimes, no matter how well you choose your words, you still feel misunderstood. Here are the major reasons why.
Common Reasons for Misunderstandings
Other Person is Stubborn: Harvard Business Review called stubbornness as the ugly side of perseverance, where the person with this attribute believes themselves to be passionate, decisive, full of conviction and able to stand their ground, which is not a bad thing. However, in a marriage, if one partner has stringent and intransigent opinions about everything, communication can become one-sided. These rigid and strong-willed people are not designed to understand what their partner has to say about their feelings and emotions. They’ll only believe what they want to.
Your Partner Understands Your Statements Differently: There are many people who have lived a dark childhood, undergone sexual abuse, seen their parents abusing each other or lived a life of poor means. Such individuals can have different associations with certain words their partner might be using. For example, your conversation about them needing to improve on themselves can be easily associated by them with their father’s consistent criticism of their grades at school. This will make them develop the same kind of negative feelings for you that they once have for their father.
Your Partner is Mentally Drained: Choosing the right time to communicate is highly crucial to get your feelings truly understood. If you choose the time that your returns home after a tough day, or a time when they are engaged in a highly important business task, you are most likely to be misunderstood. The reason is that your partner doesn’t have the mental acuity at that time to understand you.
Your Partner Doesn’t Share a Similar Intellect: It is commonly seen in marriages that one person is highly sophisticated while the other is less so. However, this is never a hindrance in sustaining a great married life, unless they are not on the same page in terms of jargon, acronyms, technical terms or verbal shortcuts. The key to good communication here is to get on the same page, where one will need to be willing to learn.
If you too have been experiencing similar strains in your relationship, consider marriage counselling before it is too late.