No one expects their marriage to fail.  

When you first married you were convinced that you and your partner were meant to be. You were in love, you enjoyed each other’s company, and you wanted the same things. 

As time went on, however, some of those things have changed. Maybe you don’t spend much time together, and the time you spend together is marred by arguments or dulled by ambivalence. 

As things continue to deteriorate, you ask yourself: how did we get here?  And what are we supposed to do now? Perhaps you’ve begun to consider whether it might be better to end the marriage. 

[Read more…] about 10 Signs That Your Marriage Might Be Over

Names of clients are changed to protect anonymity

Marriage is, at its core, the merging of two families. Since no two families are alike, there may be surprises, unexpected misunderstandings, and tensions that arise.  Most of the time these tensions are resolved as the families become more familiar with the differences in expectations. One tension that can create ongoing struggle, however, is an atmosphere of criticism by the in-laws.  In fact, I have worked with couples who would identify this dynamic as one of the major issues of conflict in their marriage.

In my experience, there are two common scenarios where in-law criticism can lead to prolonged stress in a marriage: either criticism directed at the adult child or that directed at the partner.  In both cases, while it may appear the problem is between the in-laws and one of the partners, the solution lies between the partners themselves.

[Read more…] about How To Deal With Critical In-Laws

Most of my calls about infidelity are from husbands who have been discovered cheating on their wives.  While the circumstances of the extramarital relationship vary considerably– ranging from single moments of indiscretion to multi-year affairs with a friend of the family– the call for help is the same.  If you are in a similar situation, this likely describes your circumstances as well. 

Typically, the affair has been discovered by accident, not intentionally revealed.  Perhaps you left your phone unlocked, or your computer unattended and logged in. Your wife stumbles on the truth and is devastated. 

You have likely been up all night for a few days listening to your wife cycle through disbelief, rage, and deep hurt. Maybe you’ve been cycling between panic, denial, and an earnest effort to convince her that things are not as bad as they seem.  

The one truth you see crystal clear is this: despite your undeniable betrayal by cheating, you want her to understand that you never meant to end the marriage.

Despite how dire things feel, I can reassure you that this doesn’t have to be the end. In my many years of clinical experience working with couples, I have noticed a common path for couples who are able to recover from cheating and infidelity.

[Read more…] about What to do when your wife finds out you’ve been cheating on her

In some relationships, it can feel like every disagreement between a couple turns into an argument. 

And when one or both partners are passionate and opinionated, those arguments can be intense. Take my two clients, Julie and Mark. Julie is a creative director at an advertising agency and Mark is an Intellectual Property lawyer. They have been together for about 8 years, the first two of which were before they got married. Julie and Mark are both opinionated and passionate, and when they first got together their chemistry made it seem like a match made in heaven.

[Read more…] about Does Fighting Mean Our Relationship is Over?