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LINDA CHARNES, LMFT

Individual and Couple Psychotherapy and Counseling in New York City

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What to do when your wife finds out you’ve been cheating on her

lcharnes · Aug 7, 2023 · Leave a Comment

what to do when spouse discovers your are cheating

Most of my calls about infidelity are from husbands who have been discovered cheating on their wives.  While the circumstances of the extramarital relationship vary considerably– ranging from single moments of indiscretion to multi-year affairs with a friend of the family– the call for help is the same.  If you are in a similar situation, this likely describes your circumstances as well. 

Typically, the affair has been discovered by accident, not intentionally revealed.  Perhaps you left your phone unlocked, or your computer unattended and logged in. Your wife stumbles on the truth and is devastated. 

You have likely been up all night for a few days listening to your wife cycle through disbelief, rage, and deep hurt. Maybe you’ve been cycling between panic, denial, and an earnest effort to convince her that things are not as bad as they seem.  

The one truth you see crystal clear is this: despite your undeniable betrayal by cheating, you want her to understand that you never meant to end the marriage.

Despite how dire things feel, I can reassure you that this doesn’t have to be the end. In my many years of clinical experience working with couples, I have noticed a common path for couples who are able to recover from cheating and infidelity.

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Does Fighting Mean Our Relationship is Over?

lcharnes · Jul 24, 2023 · Leave a Comment

why are we always fighting for our relationship

In some relationships, it can feel like every disagreement between a couple turns into an argument. 

And when one or both partners are passionate and opinionated, those arguments can be intense. Take my two clients, Julie and Mark. Julie is a creative director at an advertising agency and Mark is an Intellectual Property lawyer. They have been together for about 8 years, the first two of which were before they got married. Julie and Mark are both opinionated and passionate, and when they first got together their chemistry made it seem like a match made in heaven.

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How To Feel Grounded When Your World Feels Like It Is Crumbling

lcharnes · Jun 23, 2023 · Leave a Comment

Sometimes, despite your best efforts to remain positive and proactive, it feels like life conspires to take you down. Whether it’s a romantic breakup or betrayal, a job loss, the death of a loved one, an unexpected diagnosis, or a financial crisis, times like these can feel overwhelming.

In my experience as a therapist, I’ve noticed that some of the most disruptive experiences are those that:

  • Suddenly shift our basic understanding of the nature of our lives; a jarring experience that can shake us to our core.
  • Challenge your joy, appreciation, hope, and resilience, causing even the most positive among us to feel pervasive anxiety.
  • Make getting through the day challenging, sometimes slowing our perception of time to a crawl and causing us to worry that these feelings “will never end”.
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Signs That Your Husband is Emotionally Cheating 

lcharnes · May 8, 2023 · Leave a Comment

Names of all clients have been changed.

Emotional cheating is a type of infidelity where one partner develops a close emotional bond with someone outside the relationship, regardless of whether there is a sexual relationship between them. This closeness can undermine the intimacy, trust, and commitment reserved for the primary partnership.

At times, it can be challenging to differentiate between platonic friendship and emotional cheating. Here are some scenarios I see in my practice that often cross the line into emotional cheating:

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How To Mentally Declutter

lcharnes · Apr 13, 2023 · Leave a Comment

how to declutter your mind

Names of all clients have been changed.

In our modern world, we are bombarded with a stream of information from social media, news, and the people around us. Add this to our existing commitments with family, career, and health, and it is common to feel mentally cluttered as we struggle to process and prioritize all of this information competing for our attention. 

Mental clutter can sometimes feel like difficulty concentrating, disorganization of thoughts, struggling to make decisions, and feeling divided against yourself. This can lead to frustration and lowered resilience.

[Read more…] about How To Mentally Declutter
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