Most of my calls about infidelity are from husbands who have been discovered cheating on their wives.  While the circumstances of the extramarital relationship vary considerably– ranging from single moments of indiscretion to multi-year affairs with a friend of the family– the call for help is the same.  If you are in a similar situation, this likely describes your circumstances as well. 

Typically, the affair has been discovered by accident, not intentionally revealed.  Perhaps you left your phone unlocked, or your computer unattended and logged in. Your wife stumbles on the truth and is devastated. 

You have likely been up all night for a few days listening to your wife cycle through disbelief, rage, and deep hurt. Maybe you’ve been cycling between panic, denial, and an earnest effort to convince her that things are not as bad as they seem.  

The one truth you see crystal clear is this: despite your undeniable betrayal by cheating, you want her to understand that you never meant to end the marriage.

Despite how dire things feel, I can reassure you that this doesn’t have to be the end. In my many years of clinical experience working with couples, I have noticed a common path for couples who are able to recover from cheating and infidelity.

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In some relationships, it can feel like every disagreement between a couple turns into an argument. 

And when one or both partners are passionate and opinionated, those arguments can be intense. Take my two clients, Julie and Mark. Julie is a creative director at an advertising agency and Mark is an Intellectual Property lawyer. They have been together for about 8 years, the first two of which were before they got married. Julie and Mark are both opinionated and passionate, and when they first got together their chemistry made it seem like a match made in heaven.

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Names of all clients have been changed.

In our modern world, we are bombarded with a stream of information from social media, news, and the people around us. Add this to our existing commitments with family, career, and health, and it is common to feel mentally cluttered as we struggle to process and prioritize all of this information competing for our attention. 

Mental clutter can sometimes feel like difficulty concentrating, disorganization of thoughts, struggling to make decisions, and feeling divided against yourself. This can lead to frustration and lowered resilience.

[Read more…] about How To Mentally Declutter