Life will always be complicated. 

And 

Life will always be miraculously simple. 

So much of how we experience our lives comes down to what we choose to focus on.

Imagine this scenario:  You just parked your car on the street near your office. Without looking, you open your car door, your mind full of your upcoming meetings and things you need to do.  Unexpectedly, a bike messenger slams into the open car door, and tumbles to the ground.

This situation is both complicated and simple. 

[Read more…] about Choosing to Experience More Peace

Even the happiest couples have arguments, and for some couples, those arguments can escalate and become destructive. If you find that your arguments sometimes result in:

• Explosive yelling
• Dragging past issues into the current argument
• Passive aggressive or emotional manipulation 
• Denying the other person’s experience (gaslighting)
• Blaming the other person or avoiding responsibility

You might need some strategies for arguing from a place of love, instead of a place of destruction.  

Below you will find eight starting points to help you fight from a place of love.

[Read more…] about How to argue better in a relationship

Names of all clients have been changed.

Many couples come into therapy because their sex life has fizzled out. Sometimes one partner is avoiding, sometimes the only sex is obligatory, and sometimes neither party is interested. In all cases, a drought in the marriage bed is a concern for the long-term happiness of either partner.

Sex is an important part of adult love because it is a physical expression of the emotional connection. Sex provides natural stress relief, is a way to experience intimacy, and is an important means of exploring each other and the relationship.  

As counter-intuitive as it might sound, a marriage without enough intimacy is not usually because of sex.  It is, instead, reflective of unresolved issues in the relationship itself. 

[Read more…] about Three reasons your partner doesn’t want to have sex with you that have nothing to do with sex

Names of all clients have been changed.

Maybe you have been suspicious or have a lack of trust for months. There was the time that you looked at your husband’s phone when he was in the bathroom and when he came back he pounced on it like a tiger. There were late nights, unreturned texts, and no explanations.  When pressed, he acted like you were being paranoid. 

The warning signs of infidelity were everywhere.

And, yet, you hoped you were wrong. 

Or perhaps you had absolutely no idea your partner was being unfaithful. It’s not that you thought your relationship was perfect– the distance had been growing and communication was breaking down– but you are nonetheless stunned by the deceit.

Now you know the truth: your partner has betrayed you by turning to another. 

The pain you feel is real. 

The impact of infidelity on your relationship is devastating.

Now the question becomes: Can your relationship survive this betrayal? 

[Read more…] about How to Rebuild Trust After Infidelity

Names of all clients have been changed.

It sounds simple enough: for your relationship to succeed you need to communicate with your partner and listen to the concerns that your partner shares with you.  And yet, many couples who find themselves in my office, trying to save their failing relationship will admit that they don’t really know how to talk to each other. And certainly not about their feelings!

This is a problem because a relationship without strong communication is like a book without a plot.  There’s character, setting, and conflict, but no interaction, growth, or conclusion. It is important that we find ways to become truly involved with our partner’s wants and needs (and invite them into ours) so that both partners can feel known by the person with whom they are building their lives. 

[Read more…] about Do you want a better relationship with your partner? Talk more!