Do Not Underestimate the Power of Perspective in a Marriage

“I have been with Dylan for 10 years. I know he will not change. I know he is never going to treat me right.” How often have you heard married couple pass such judgmental statements about each other? The problem with such statements is that they cause a strain on the relationship.

Wayne Dyer once said, “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at, change.”

According to a study by the National Opinion Research Center, people aren’t as happy in their marriage as they used to be in the past. In 2014, 40% of the people reported being unhappy in their marriage, up from 35% just two years ago, in 2012.

According to a blog published by Wevorce, people enter into a marriage believing that they have met their true love, who will keep them happy for life. But soon, the stresses of everyday life bring an end to the fairy tale, where they start overlooking each other’s needs. The belief that was once so strong starts to fade. People start to feel stuck or trapped. If you are feeling this way too, don’t hesitate to seek psychotherapy.

One thing that can change all of this is to “get a new perspective on marriage.” Changing perspectives can make a huge problem appear manageable because we behave the way we think and we think based on how we interpret our circumstances, according to Linda Charnes, a leading psychotherapist in New York City.

4 Ways to Get a New Perspective on Marriage

  1. Never Stop Dating: Remember the time when with every date, you would come to know something new about your partner? Remember how you used to make an effort to impress each other? Unfortunately, after marriage, people tend to get so caught up in life’s routine, they forget to continue to discover and surprise each other. Goout more, make an effort to look good and impress your partner.

  2. Take up Different Activities: When you choose to live the same life, you are more tempted to behave in the same way. Try to do something different and create new experiences to see the hidden side of yourself and your partner.

  3. Change Yourself: Mahatma Gandhi once said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” We always expect our partner to change and behave the way we want them to. When they don’t, we are disappointed. This time, try to bring change in yourself before you expect it from others.

  4. Talk, Talk, Talk: Changing your perspective towards your partner and your marriage requires you to look at things a different way. However, you’ll only get to find different perspectives when you communicate with each other, effectively.

  5. Don’t be a Perfectionist: Being a perfectionist is great only when it gives your partner enough space to breathe, relax and engage. Don’t always be in an obsessive-compulsive mode. Try to enjoy the mess that is life with your partner.

Lastly, be positive and give more complements. This will make your partner more comfortable and you might end up seeing an altogether different side of them. If all this doesn’t work to rekindle the spark in your marriage, don’t hesitate to seek marriage counseling or psychotherapy.

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