“The things two people do to each other, they remember. If they stay together, it’s not because they forget, it’s because they forgive.” ~ Demi Moore
Broken marriages and bad relationships have been haunting America for quite some time now. According to an article published in Children and Divorce, about 50% of the children in the country are expected to see their parents separate and half of them will also witness their second marriage fall apart.
Unfortunately, most of these cases occur due to an unfaithful spouse. The betrayal might be small or big but the process of “forgiving and forgetting” isn’t as easy as it sounds.
Remember, it takes courage to trust someone after they have cheated on you. If you have been hurt, the last thing you want to do is let it go.
You want things to be like they were before
Most people who find themselves in this sort of situation want things to be like before and this is because of the feelings that they had about the other person. But, didn’t that land you in this situation in the first place? So, why would you want to take the same road again?
The ideal path should be to make things better than they were before and it is only possible if you are able to forgive and move on, says Linda Charnes, LMFT, Psychotherapist, NYC.
Why is this important?
If you are going to spend the next thirty years of your lives together, you’ll have to forgive each other many times. Corrie Ten Boom once said, “Forgiveness is setting the prisoner free, only to find out that the prisoner was me.”
Yes, there are certain wounds that are hard to heal but if you are able to do that, your relationship will be stronger than before. You do have the right to be upset with your partner or even separate but will that make both of you happy? If the answer is no. You need to find what will help you move forward, rather than getting stuck at anger.
How to do it?
It is not something that will happen overnight. It will take time and effort on your part. The process starts with acceptance. It will allow you to cope with anger and anxiety, and help you rebuild trust.
Once you are able to do that, you’ll slowly get rid of all the negative thoughts. If your partner appears sincere about making amends and giving the relationship a second chance, you need to decide whether you can do the same. The key is to work on yourself more than the other person.